You did what I dreamt.

.//
I want to be Ana. I'm waiting for the casualty of my life. The most important one. With you. If you found me I would not know what to do. As if anyone found me. Even if at the same time I cherish a pretext to interrupt my dreams so I'd never remember what I dreamt before. Someone I could even jump from a building with, when nothing's left and those who care are dead already. Someone I could take care of until that moment. Someone I could fall for. I'm hiding from it all the time, because I don't know how it's done. I've been alone. Wieder allein.

I hate recognizing that every word of every true fact is total making the picture of that disney idea of meeting a perfect person. I hate I thought about him all day, I hate thinking about him since I first heard of him and knew I could fall in love with someone like him. And yet he's actually very different as I imagined. But I found we are much alike. I try not to think about my suspicions of he liking me too, so my heart doesn't hurt. But I want him to like me. He does not leave my mind, so the speed of this lapses keep me calmed. I'm under the sheets too. I like coincidences too. I stay quiet too. I want to kill myself more than him. He is sicker than me. We always want to leave. I have a dog, he reads books about dogs. We use glasses. We are sad and lonely. We need to work much so we don't fall much. We don't like babies, I don't want kids, he had a vasectomy. He starts going out, I'm still staying in. I want to work with him, he wants to work with me. I'm caring, paying attention, waiting. I don't want to fuck everything up as always. I'll be as patient as long as I have to. I don't want to panic. Those silences were not uncomfortable to me.

I fucking like that head and I want to be close. Closer. Zoom in, zoom in, zoominer me all the way to a path very close to his. To not oversweet him or from him. To be lonely together. To exist near the casualty, before I pay the karma of that young kid I ran over. I'd love to die like that. Out of every place or time or anything. I want to die young. I put myself a new deadline. Zoom out now. Temporarily concentrating on working, on living, on do not fucking stupidly fall for free. Take it easy you idiot (me).

>> Unintelligible heavy metal.